Yes, to an extent, toddlers are naturally selfish. This isn’t a moral failing, but rather a normal and essential stage of their development. Understanding why this is the case can help parents and caregivers navigate this challenging yet crucial period.
The Result of Impulse
At their core, toddlers are still operating from a very egocentric perspective. Their world revolves around their immediate needs and desires. This is because their brains are rapidly developing and they are still learning about cause and effect, empathy and the concept of “other.” They haven’t yet developed the cognitive capacity to truly understand another person’s perspective or feelings in a complex way. When a toddler snatches a toy, it’s not because they are intentionally trying to be mean; it’s because they want the toy and their impulse control and understanding of sharing are still nascent.
Still Developing
Think of it this way: a toddler’s brain is like a start-up company focused solely on its own growth and survival. Their primary directives are to explore, learn and secure resources (toys, food, attention). Sharing, waiting their turn, or considering another’s feelings are advanced social skills that require a more developed prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain responsible for executive functions like planning, impulse control and understanding social cues. This part of the brain is still very much under construction during the toddler years.
Furthermore, toddlers are actively establishing their independence and individuality. The word “mine!” becomes a frequent part of their vocabulary as they learn about possession and exert their budding autonomy. This can manifest as a strong resistance to sharing, a demand for immediate gratification, or a lack of concern for the feelings of others when their own desires are paramount.
A Temporary Phase
However, “selfish” in the toddler sense isn’t a permanent state. It’s a temporary phase that lays the groundwork for later prosocial behaviours. Through consistent guidance, gentle correction and modelling, parents can help toddlers gradually develop empathy, sharing skills and an understanding of social reciprocity. This involves setting clear boundaries, teaching them about taking turns and validating their feelings while also explaining the impact of their actions on others. Patience is key, as these lessons often need to be repeated many times before they truly sink in. Ultimately, while toddlers may exhibit selfish tendencies, it’s a natural and necessary part of their journey towards becoming compassionate and cooperative individuals.